That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
