I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
