I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Randomize
