And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize