guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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