so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
