I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Walk of Shame today included voting.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
