so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
