I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
