alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
