I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize