I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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