Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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