For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
