so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
