youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
