I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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