i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize