some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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