just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
not ubering you a puppy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
