Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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