I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
