I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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