Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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