K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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