last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
