I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
