I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I smell stomach acid.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
