I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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