So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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