Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
