Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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