She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
