if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I think I died a long time ago.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
