this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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