I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
