She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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