My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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