sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
