This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
