so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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