Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
