I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
