So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
