The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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