I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
