my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
