my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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