The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
