i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Randomize
