You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
