I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize