i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
