HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
