I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
