Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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