it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize