It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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