Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
