i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
