How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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