we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
