Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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