it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
