Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.

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(406): View more from Montana

To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.

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(302): View more from Delaware

Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?

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(213): View more from California

If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out

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(513): View more from Ohio

Okay we're getting vodka and coming

(1-513): View more from Ohio

Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...

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(207): View more from Maine

Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!

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