I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
we're so committed to being not committed
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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