so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
