i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
