I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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