He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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