i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
