In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
