i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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