You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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