I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
