i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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