watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my liver is dry heaving
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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