If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
