yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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