Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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