Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize