He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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