when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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