what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
