Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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