I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
